9/26/11

DOGGIE DILEMMA



PROFILE: DeeDee. Golden Sheltie. AKA: Princess Deedra, Flower Pot, Butterscotch Cutie, Buttercup, and the occasional poop head. Loves to lay out in the yard. Kisses have been known to taste like poop and candy. Guilty of: Ripping up tissue, eating receipts, and pooping on the carpet right in front of Pet-human and Man-servant for failure to decipher canine dialect. Averted punishment by accurate usage of puppy-dog-eye technique. Alpha dog, but I won't hike my leg.

PROFILE: Stryker. By-black Sheltie. AKA: Nasty little crotch sniffer, indecent leg licker, little poop head, Spud, Hairy little turd butt, and others. Loves to be cuddled at all times. Has been known to try and tongue-bathe Pet-human. Guilty of: Stealing chicken bones out of the garbage. Licking the wooden floor. Emitting loud hacking noises that have caused Pet-human to shoot out of bed to preserves what's left of the carpet. Averted punishment by accurate usage of rub-belly technique. Beta dog, and proud of it.


DOGGIE DILEMMA: Enter Dogs.


DEEDRA: Attention Bloggers, our pet-human is SOL.

STRYKER: You mean MIA.

DEEDRA: I mean SOL. You used your body to trip her. She nearly fell down the stairs.

STRYKER: Don't say that out loud! Besides, it was the only way I could keep her away from the computer.

DEEDRA: Quiet. I have to tell them about the "C" word.

STRYKER: You mean the cat?

DEEDRA: We don't have a cat.

STRYKER: Well we should. The scent of feline anus is a delicacy.

DEEDRA: Cat-ass-sniffer. No wonder we found you at the pound.

STRYKER: You eat poop. Ow!

DEEDRA: Cholesterol. The word is cholesterol.

STRYKER: I still don't know what it is.

DEEDRA: Me neither, but apparently it happens when you consume too much pizza and wine. Pet-human had a test done because she's obsessed with being healthy. And hers is up by four points.

STRYKER: I don't know what the deal is. The man-servant's is much higher and he doesn't complain.

DEEDRA: Of course not, he's male. Anyway, pet-human needs to eat healthier.

STRYKER: But she gives us the crust...

DEEDRA: And we have forced her to move her regular Friday post to Thursdays so she can resume her rigorous exercise regiment...with the exception of Insecure Writer's day on October 5th. There, I've said it all. Now for a few words from out sponsor. Pet-human wrote this for the campaign challenge. She didn't enter the contest but wrote it just for fun. And they made her use some weird words. (imago, miasma, lacuna, oscitate, synchronicity, and mirror.) 200 WORDS.  Check it out.
                                                                            ***

FURRY IMAGO
 
Knee deep in swamp water, Troy boded his time. The miasma cleared forming a mirror in the chilling stream. He didn’t dare look down and face the reflection of his furry imago. Saliva spilled from the corner of his mouth. The swing moved, hypnotizing him with the sight of the lithe girl kicking up her toes. He licked his lips. An unnatural whine oozed from his throat. He swallowed it. It was happening again. He was losing control of his human side. As leader of the pack he was expected to show restraint when it came to eating humans, but the hunger lured him like the harvest moon. All sense of guilt or propriety laid buried deep within a minuscule lacuna in his brain.

The girl leaped off the swing, making him oscitate. He darted toward her, landing at her feet—sparing a moment of adoration before trapping her in his embrace. Teeth sunk into flesh, muffling a scream. The fierce synchronicity became a type of music. Once again he gorged on human elixir, denying his upbringing, favoring the wolf. No matter, the others would never find out. He shook the dew from his fur and returned to his pack.

                                                 ***
DEEDRA: Hope you liked it.  She wrote if with us in mind.

STRYKER: Tell them the trivia.

DEEDRA: Fun facts.  It has been scientifically proven that all dogs evolved from wolves.  Selective breeding provided the physical variety.

STRYKER: Uh-oh, here she comes!

DEEDRA: Run!


Exit dogs, tails curled behind them in a wagging frenzy as they proceed to run the fence line.


Have a great week everyone! ...^-^... See you Thursday.  Love your poochies.
 



 

35 comments:

  1. Hair Ball: We should be friends. My big brother Sir Poops-A-Lot eats his poops when he does them in mummsy and daddy-o's bathroom.

    Sir Poops-A-Lot: I'm not your big brother, stupid.

    Hair Ball: Are too. Mummsy says so, pansy.

    Sir Poops-A-Lot: She says it to be nice to you because everyone knows you're a stupid, little hair ball.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "Kisses have been known to taste like poop" Ewww

    That story. Ouch. Great use of some really difficult words though!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh and the campaign challenge thing was great. Very well done!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ohhh my shelties were so cute. They were little shits too though. Tear up the toilet paper, shred paper towels, pick garbage and mess in the house if you went out. I had a #2 and a #12. Then I had the big head 85 pound Tri-Color Collie who thought he was a lap dog! Fun post.

    ReplyDelete
  5. "Kisses have been known to taste like poop and candy"... which is why I forbid my dog to come anywhere near my face.

    I don't know what I loved more. The skit before your campaign challenge... the campaign challenge... or the poochie images.

    ReplyDelete
  6. hahahaha so funny. well done laila. I have yet to start on the next challenge, just been too busy. Thanks for your comments on my blog honey. Yeah it just takes time and practice to learn how to do it all doesnt it?! And thanks it is cute isnt it?!
    Hugs eve...xx

    ReplyDelete
  7. lol. True story? I've never had a dog :(

    ReplyDelete
  8. I had a dog I loved from when I was born to when I was aged thirteen. He was a good pooch.

    ReplyDelete
  9. What can I say....I am all smiles....hope your weekend was delightful! xx

    ReplyDelete
  10. snork. Well at least dogs have a self cleaning mouth. Mine like the snack box too, but I have it barricaded so they can't get to it.

    Your poor carpet.

    Thanks for the giggles this morning.

    Sia McKye's Thoughts...OVER COFFEE

    ReplyDelete
  11. Beautiful dogs. I appreciate your humor. I skipped the campaigner stuff this year - for fear of not being able to commit. Sad that I miss out on so much stuff though.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Your dogs are sneaky! And I bet they want a cat just so they'll have someone else to blame.

    ReplyDelete
  13. That was a delightful read and this line is my favorite: "The scent of feline anus is a delicacy."
    Happy week to you, Laila.
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
  14. Great story, Laila! I want to know where she came up with such weird words.

    Anyway, I love your doggies! I still wish we could set up a playdate with our fuzzy ones. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one to make up silly names for my dogs. And my dogs have similar disgusting habits. But I love them just the same. In fact, they're the ones who help get me through each day, with their unconditional love. All I have to do is walk in the room and they wag their tails. Of course, they fart, too. But what are ya gonna do?

    ReplyDelete
  15. Cute dogs and neat story:) I think that these pooches have taken quite an alpha position in your household, but then again that's what cute dogs do;)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Great dog conversation. :)

    I love your use of the words in the Campaign entry!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Ooh, sorry about the cholesterol hike. I'm down from 9.6 to 2.9 with the help of meds. High cholesterol is serious. Take care, okay. And avoid poop kisses at all cost. I once had a cat, Buster Parfay who liked searching through my head of hair in the middle of the night for a nipple. I think he'd go on milk runs while he was sleeping. Anyway, it was always interesting to wake with he'd mistaken an earlobe for a nipple.

    What my yelling did for my DH is a story for another day.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Creepy and edgy story. I liked it. :)

    The dog next door is always trying to get in my car or come in. My husband was petting him through the sliding door once and on of my girls came up and scratched him in the nose. Brave little fur ball.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Funny dog dialague. I liked your story! I am still agonizing over mine. Maybe I'll do like you, and post it but not enter. ;0)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Very cute! Your dogs are the best little posters!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Ha! My dog has about ten nick-names too. Fortunately none of them involve the word poop. But she is the naughtiest dog on the planet. I think it's been verified with the Guinness world record people.

    Those challenge words are hard! Good story.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Oh, heck, this could just as easily have been an expose of the Penwasser family reunion.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I haven't stopped giggling at cat-ass-sniffer. I must find a way to use that in day-to-day conversation. Maybe it could replace one of the worse swear words I use, or they could use it as an overdub for movies on primetime TV.
    For example:
    Snakes on a Plane: I have had it with all these cat-ass-sniffing snakes on this cat-ass sniffin' plane.
    Or if you like Die Hard, maybe Yippee Ki Yay, cat-ass-sniffer.

    This challenge was darn hard, but I love what you did with it. Makes me sort of wish humans had predators.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Hah! Your dog posts are always so fun, and I loved your entry. :)

    By the way, I'm hoping to get back to you (as far as e-mail/crits) tomorrow. I'm beyond swamped tonight! (I blame my sister, Bridezilla.) *grins*

    ReplyDelete
  25. that made me laugh.. perfect for Tuesday morning:)

    ReplyDelete
  26. Pet human! I love it. I'm sure they are like your little babies! Just watch those tongues! LOL

    ReplyDelete
  27. Laila the dialogue was amaziiiiiiiiing, you should do more of these, I loved it. You are an amazing pet human lady and your dogs are delightful. I have dogs and cats myself and I understood every little word you meant :))). Kisses.

    ReplyDelete
  28. hi laila, hope you are doing well hunni. Yes i certainly did wear a corset,I had it on for nearly 7 hours, even though the party was great fun.....never again will i wear a corset!!! I totally agree with you about the point you made about spending time with loved ones and time for yourself coming first and then writing!!! so true :)
    Hows it all going with you??
    hugs eve xxx

    ReplyDelete
  29. Its like you read my thoughts! You appear to grasp so
    much about this, like you wrote the e-book in it or something.
    I believe that you simply could do with a few % to drive the message home a little bit, but other than that, that is fantastic blog. An excellent read. I'll definitely be back.

    Here is my webpage click through the next post

    ReplyDelete
  30. Hi there! Do you use Twitter? I'd like to follow you if that would be ok. I'm undoubtedly enjoying
    your blog and look forward to new posts.

    my web blog; web site

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.