Good morning fellow visionaries on this wonderful journey called life. I want to start by thanking all of you for all the birthday wishes. (BTW: I’m 4338 in alien years.) And proud of it.
I’d like to welcome all my new followers. I spent a few hours Saturday visiting you and getting to know you. Please email me if you’re following me but I’m not following you. A whole week without blogging can throw a person off.
I’m sitting here sipping a glass of red wine on a Sunday, which by the way goes wonderfully with pizza, and reminding myself that this is in fact the last day of my vacation and this post will go public Monday morning. Soon I’ll be forced to use the left side of my brain. Whose idea was it that we were only to have two-day weekends? Ugh, somebody pay me to be on vacation.
Now, if you must know, I’m going to tell you anyway, I went camping. And at this second I find that I miss communing with nature, reading a good book, cementing my hatred of mosquitoes, and going on long walks.
I survived a whole week away from Blogger and remembered something about myself. I freaking love life and doing all the physical stuff. So I’m eliminating my Wednesday posts with the exception of the Insecure Writer’s Group and other special functions. (Suck it up...I'm still here.) This should give me more time for blog-hopping, writing, living life, and other stuff.
I will be posting Mondays and Fridays.
On a second note, I learned a few things this week.
The first was a Fantasy. It had about a hundred characters in it. (Does anyone remember hearing that we should only have a few characters to make it easier for the reader to follow the story? Yup, still sounds like a load of crap to me.) Don’t tell me what I can or can’t read.
The second book was a Paranormal Romance. It started with a prologue. Yes, I’ll say it again…pro-logue. Also, it had sex galore. I mean let-me-slap-you-across-the-face-with-it sex. (Eat your hearts out agents.) Worse still, I found myself so annoyed with the constant sex that I skimmed over some of it to read the other parts of the story. Yes me, I did that. I must be getting old (4338 doesn’t seem that bad in theory) but heck, these people were going at it like bunnies. (Cute fuzzy critters that have the ability to hop and…never mind.) Anyway, I’m feeling cheated. Granted, rules were meant to be broken, but if they’re going to set up literary rules, either apply them to everyone or shut up about it.
- Now, before I go any further, I’d like to take a moment to thank Thomas Crapper. (The guy who was credited with inventing indoor plumbing.) When I got home, lifted the toilet seat cover and there was nothing looking back at me, I felt elated. (Johnny on the Spot be dammed.) Special recognition to the Chinese for toilet paper.
- Next, it has come to my attention that fish have evolved to the point where they use humans for sport. They’ve obviously been injected with a wonder drug. Seriously, bluegills have a superior IQ. They gather in groups around the lure and talk about us. A teacher fish instructs them in the ways of nipping at a curly tail without swallowing. They follow the lure around while laughing and calling us “stupid humans.” Occasionally, they will sacrifice themselves for the sake of a pathetically skinny Earthling. Needless to say, I didn’t catch a single one.
- Finally and most important, there’s always room for a dog on a camping trip. Not only are they willing to taste my food to ensure I’m not poisoned, (with the exception of wine and chocolate) they will sleep at the foot of the bed to help perfect my night vision when I’m trying to find my way to the bathroom, consume large amounts of grass to teach me the importance of eating greens, and force me to wake up at 6:30AM to pick up their poop while getting some well-needed exercise.
There. I hope my words of wisdom have given all of you a reason to wake up in the morning. I look forward to chatting with all of you. Wish me luck. After Monday, today, I might need another vacation.
I joined the campaign and there seems to be this challenge thing going around, 200 words of flash fiction and it starts with opening a door. I'm a Fantasy writer, and I don't normally writer about fairies, but here goes.
***
The door swung open. Out walked Aura all dressed for battle. For years they’d laughed at her wayward ideas and childish antics, not realizing it was all part of her power. It took a rich level of whimsy to remain strong enough to battle the dream reapers, demons who captured human souls while they slept. As a fairy trapped in a mortal body she alone possessed the key that would lead her to the underworld where the souls were kept.
She surveyed the room focusing on all the familiar faces. “Who’s with me?”
A green man-boy hobbled forward. He was a Zeleak, a dark fairy forced to squeeze himself inside a fleshy being to repay past mistakes.
“I’m Neffle,” he said. “I’ll go with you.”
She reached out and took his hand. “Brave boy, you and I will scour the underworld together and free these people from the tyranny of the Moors. When we return our debt will be repaid. We’ll be free to sink into the Earth and become part of nature.”
They walked out. Silence followed like a flag of truce. The door closed.
***
Bloody hell, whose idea was it that I give up Wednesdays anyway? This makes for a long blog with no pictures. Hmm, I'll take care of that.
There now. Don’t hate, pollinate, and when that fails just copulate. It’s a great stress reliever.
Have a great one, and cheers! …^-^…
